Agape
by Randi Myers
Summary: Jane and her insecurities


Agape Bears Den

A/N I don't own anything but what my brain tells me to write and shock of all shocks, I make nothing outta this..

_Agape, Please don't dissipate I know I've got it all wrong_  
_I'm reaching out To touch your voice_  
_But baby, I'm clutching at straws_  
_Even though_  
_Your words hurt the most._

How did we get to this point, we were, am in love, my best friend, my rock, the person who grounds me, my love, my wife. I always wondered who we can't stay away from each other, we never could. Then why am I on the couch and why is she laying in our bed crying. My insecurities got the best of me, stupid Isles foundation dinner. Okay so it was my fault I accept that but I didn't mean what I said, I just don't fit her world.. I mean I love what she does for me, but I can't do the same. She tells me that her money is mine, but I know that if I get her a present, it's her buying herself a gift, it's not me.

_I still wanna hear them, every day_  
_You say let it go_  
_But I can't let it go_  
_I won't believe, every word that you say_

I know she won't leave me, for some reason she still loves the rough and tumble me, she still worries, she still cleans me up, she keeps me in her bed. She says we fit together like puzzle pieces, and we do. Her head fits in the space between my neck and shoulder, and when I'm behind her, big spoon little spoon.. we fit, even when she jet packs, we fit. And love, she loves me..I'm not sure why.

_For I'm so scared of losing you_  
_And I don't know what I can do about it_  
_About it/span/em/p_  
_So tell me how long, love, before you go_  
_And leave me here on my own_  
_I know that I don't wanna know_  
_Who I am without you._

I'm scared that she's had enough of me and my insecurities, my recklessness. I love her, I don't know who I am without her, it's always been Jane and Maura, Rizzoli and Isles.. now it's Rizzoli-Isles, Doctor and Detective, Mrs. And Mrs. I love her.

_Oh agape Please don't dissipate_  
_Yeah I know I've got it all wrong_  
_I'm reaching out_  
_To touch your voice_  
_But baby I'm clutching at straws_

I stand up from the couch, wiping the tears I shed, the tears that rip my heart, the tears that have been shed from hurt and stupidity. I heard people ask Maura if she was slumming by being with me, that they thought she was humoring me, that I didn't belong with her. That I was not good enough for her..I waited in stunned silence, waiting for her to say something, anything, I heard nothing, I thought she would say something to defend me..but she said nothing as I blindly ran away, I never saw her stricken face, and I never heard what she said to these so called friends of hers./

_For I'm so scared of losing you_  
_And I don't know what I can do about it_  
_About it_  
_So tell me how long, love, before you go_  
_And leave me here on my own_  
_I know that, I don't wanna know_  
_Who I am without you._

I walk to the kitchen and get a glass of water, leaning against the counter, thinking how cruel I was to do something like this to Maura, my beautiful, smart, loving, gentle best friend, my lover, my wife. I pull on my big girl panties and as much as I hate showing emotion, weakness to the world, I show her everything, my hopes and dreams, my nightmares, my insecurities, everything. She knows me better then anyone else, she knows when to hold me and when to leave me be, she takes my pain, she takes my love she takes and gives me a thousand percent in return.

_I don't wanna know_  
_I don't wanna know_  
_I don't wanna know_

I set the glass in the sink and walk slowly up the stairs, and then standing in the doorway, watching her, seeing the tear tracks dried on her face as she sleeps..I slip into the bed and mold my body around hers, and I whisper softly in her ear like a soft lullaby..

_For I'm so scared of losing you_  
_And I don't know what I can do about it_  
_About it_  
_So tell me how long, love, before you go_  
_And leave me here on my own_  
_I know that_  
_I know that_  
_Tell me how long, love, before you go_  
_And leave me her on my own_  
_I know that_  
_I don't wanna know who I am without you_  
_I don't wanna know who I am without you_

I feel her turn in my arms, kissing me softly, and holding me close. She whispers "Never"


End file.
